02/10/2025
What do you do when someone does you so exponentially dirty? Do you scream? Cry? Plot revenge? Or do you just shut down because you don't know what to do?
I was 16 when I got cheated on. I was dating this older guy, a family friend. He was the first cute boy who ever showed interest in me, and honestly, I thought he was way out of my league. I had bad acne, no friends, and felt so insecure about myself. So, when he showed attention, I thought it was a miracle. Looking back now, I realize my insecurities had nothing to do with him. He wasn’t the problem. It was all the fear I had that one day he’d wake up and realize he could do better than me. I was so caught up in feeling unworthy that I overlooked the fact that his actions and lack of respect were his issue, not mine.
It was New Years 2021 going into 2022. I was at his house, dressed in white. I had put on my favorite top and pants. I was super excited. His friends were there, it all started fantastic. We started drinking and this guy. I'll call him G. G decided to get way too drunk before midnight. Next thing I knew, he was in the backyard, throwing up everywhere. His mom, not wanting puke on her plants, handed me two buckets: one small, one big. My job was to catch his mess in the small bucket and transfer it to the big one.
Me. A 16 year old girl. On New Year’s Eve.
But I loved him at the time so I did what I had to do. Drunk, in my white outfit, holding buckets of his vomit. I remember when his mom took him, she gave me a dirty look. I was drunk myself but I remember the looks from his parents very clearly. Like somehow, I was the reason her son couldn’t handle his liquor. Like it was my fault he was out there, wasted and pathetic. As if I wasn’t the one standing in their backyard, cleaning up his mess.
He passed out in his room, completely gone. When midnight hit, I was sobbing hysterically. The moment I had been dreaming about for years, the perfect New Year’s kiss, was nowhere to be found. Instead, I got his best friend Matthew (shoutout to him honestly), sitting next to me, comforting me for mistakes that weren’t even his to fix.
After that, I went back to his room. He was still passed out, completely oblivious. I got ready for bed, sitting next to him, furious because he had promised me this wouldn’t happen. Then, he woke up. I remember it so clearly. "Is it passed midnight?" He asked. "Yup." And just like that, he started crying. "You didn’t get your New Year’s kiss."And what did I do? I comforted him. Told him it wasn’t his fault. Just so he’d stop crying, I hated to see him cry. Just so he’d go back to sleep.
His phone was on the nightstand. I don’t know why, but I got that gut feeling. That deep pit in your stomach that tells you something isn’t right. I had never done this before, but I picked up his phone. We had each other’s passwords, so I opened it. I went opened Snapchat first. I remember seeing a slavic name. I click it. A bunch of photos and videos of this woman with huge tits. I remember the tits specifically, because mine? Tiny.
Then I see the messages. "Baby, can you send me a video of you sucking on a dildo?" "Baby, can you only refer to me as daddy?" "Baby, send me a photo of your ass."
Girl yes It was like that. I was taken aback. Staring at the screen, at her, at the messages he sent. I didn't know what to do. I didn’t want to sleep next to him. I wanted to get up, scream, leave. But every bed in the house was taken, and I didn't want my parents to pick me up at this time. So I just sat there, forcing myself to stay calm. I shook him awake and I asked him, "How do you know (this girls name I don't remember but I think her first name was Ellen or something)?." Barely awake, barely thinking, he just shrugged and said, "She’s a bot." I asked, "Why are you asking her to send you videos of her sucking and fucking a dildo?" He shot up, looked at me with wide eyes. He repeated, "Babe, she’s a bot. It's the same thing as watching porn." Oh lord, please give me the strength so I don't kill this scrawny ginger.
Obviously, I started screaming at him. Sobbing. He was sobbing too. We were both wasted, yelling nonsense at each other, neither of us making any sense. I told him I was going to sleep on the couches downstairs. I couldn’t stand to be next to him. But he stopped me. Begged me not to go. Said his parents would find it suspicious. And somehow, my drunk ass let him convince me to stay. I told him he couldn’t touch me, so instead, he just laid there next to me, whispering sweet nothings. I remember him saying things like "You're precious to me." "I've never loved anyone as much as I loved you." "She means nothing to me and you mean so much." Etc, Etc.
I remember being so quiet in the morning. He asked me if I was okay a couple of times, and I just nodded. I couldn’t even bring myself to say anything. His friends wanted to go to Waffle House so we went. I didn't sit in the front with him, I asked Matthew (bless his heart genuinely he was so sweet) to sit in the front. We would have cute little debates about who got to sit in the front. But this time I firmly told him to sit there, and I could see it in his face that he knew something was wrong. In the back, all I could think about was this random lady and her giant ass tits. They were living rent-free in my mind. I kept replaying it over and over, trying to make sense of it. But I couldn’t.
I started comparing myself. Girl, I genuinely thought that maybe he wanted me to have tits like hers. If I had any insecurity before, it tripled in that moment. Suddenly, my suspicion that he was out of my league was true and I felt like I needed to look a certain way to be worthy of his attention. He kept staring at me from the front seat. Like, hoe, keep your eyes on the road. It felt like everything was off, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t measuring up.
At Waffle House, he went around apologizing to all his friends about what happened. And, of course, he started crying again (yeah again). His friend's girlfriend said, "the only person you need to apologize to is Gabi." I still follow her on insta, thank you queen!
After that, he drove me home. I wish I could remember the whole conversation, but I mostly remember being quiet at first. I didn’t want to hear his excuses, I wasn’t ready to process any of it. But he kept pushing, insisting that I talk. So, eventually, I did. I do remember a part of him saying, "I thought it was okay." and me screaming "IT'S NOT OKAY." Because it wasnt, it wasn't okay.
It was the first time I stood up for myself against him. Because we had arguments that I let go because I was too scared to lose him. I never wanted to rock the boat, to push him away, so I would swallow my feelings, tell myself to let it go, and convince myself that my feelings weren't worth the fight. I realized I didn’t have to let him walk all over me, and I didn’t have to keep making myself small to keep him. I was finally acknowledging my own worth, and that was something I had never done with him before.
"You broke up with him, right?" you all say in unison. "No I actually did not." I respond.
Let me explain. After all this happened. He fought, and I mean he FOUGHT to get to get me back. I've never been chased by a guy before and the high from that is crazy. Have you guys heard of the hottest drug on the market? It's called male validation and it is euphoric. I was the one who had all the power in this relationship. ME.
I think he never cheated again. If he did, then I never found out. But we broke up a few months later when he left for college. Honestly, I hope he’s doing alright. I’m not bitter or holding on to anything anymore. I’ve come to terms with what happened, and it doesn’t affect me the way it used to. I don’t let it weigh me down. Genuinely, I’ve learned from it. That experience changed me, taught me things about myself, about relationships, and about standing up for what I deserve. It wasn’t easy, but I can look back now and say it made me a stronger, wiser person. And for that, I’m thankful.
HOWEVER, let me be clear: this does not mean you should ever get back with a guy if he cheats. DO NOT DO IT!!! Girl please I'm begging you. It’s one thing to learn from your mistakes and grow, but never let someone’s betrayal be a reason to lose yourself. If someone cheats on you, it’s not a reflection of you.. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to accept that kind of disrespect. Keep your standards high and your self-worth even higher. You can heal and look back at what happened like a funny memory, like I'm doing right now.
Our relationship definitely wasn’t perfect after that, but at least by then, I had learned to put my foot down. I learned to speak up, to tell him when something he did was wrong. I could say no without feeling like I was overreacting or being too much. I started to voice when I was uncomfortable with something, and for the first time, I realized that I didn’t have to let things slide just to keep the peace. It wasn’t easy, but I learned to stand up for myself and set boundaries. This is something I carry with me into every relationship now.